Dancing on a Rope

          For Kayleen
 

so, 
you want to know
what it's like
to be me?
well,
i could ask
why
you even give a rip?
i could say
hey
take a flying leap!
but maybe, just maybe 
there's something i can say.

i could say...
i want you to know who i am,
but mostly i just don't even want to talk to you.
i want to plug myself in,
but mostly all i think about is gettin' unplugged.
i want to answer the phone,
but mostly i just want to hang up.
i want to be silent,
but mostly all i want to do is scream.
i want to stand still,
but mostly i want to dance like the devil.
and i want to walk,
but mostly i want to run like hell.

do you see?
i'm a kid,
but i'm not.
i'm a person,
with no identity.
i'm lookin' for answers,
in a world that tells lies.
who am i?
who am i supposed to be?
where am i?
where am i supposed to go?
and why do you care?
why does it matter what i say?

it's like...
i'm alone,
but it's not just me, 
they're out there too
my friends for me,
not way out, 
but just far enough,
texting for free.
it's a circus in the sky
and i'm way up high
all skittery and jittery 
dancing on a rope
with no net I can see.

some days...
i just want to get away.
some times...
i just want to get with.
but mostly...
i just want to get away with.
i'm cracking up,
but i'm not broken.
i'm afraid,
but i'm not really scared.
lately...
i've been nothin' but sick,
sick and tired.

i love it,
though,
that you're looking
that you're looking for me,
but please know
i can't make it easy,
i can't let it show,
how much i love you
and want you to just let go.
why should it be
you finding me
before i finally see
the real Me?
 
 
 
by J. Alan R.

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